Deep Thoughts For Shallow People
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead?"
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
Do old people read the Bible so much because they were cramming for their finals?
Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of paintings by Picasso.
If bus station is where a bus stops and a train station is where a train stops... does work stop at a work station?
If it's true that we are here to help 'others' -- then what exactly are the 'others' here for?
Never forget that 'stressed' spelled backwards is 'desserts'.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Clones are people two.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning.
As I said before, I never repeat myself!
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
So what's the speed of dark?
I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?
Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Should wives put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?
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